December 30, 2010

Our Story Begins...


Hi. My name is Nicole, and I'm the mother of a recently diagnosed Autistic child. Recent as in a couple weeks ago.  This did not come as a huge surprise...to me at least.  I had known for quite some time that Emerson was different from his peers.

When I first let people know that we were having Emerson evaluated, and I let some of my anxiety and concerns show through, I heard from more than one of them that "no one wants to find out that there is something wrong with their child" or--more often--it was worded "no one wants to find out that their child is broken."

My child is not broken.  Nor is he naughty, spoiled, in need of discipline or a swat on the rear end to make him behave.  All of these things I have heard from people over and over as I described some of our challenges with Emerson.  It made me so angry to hear others critcize our parenting, belittle our issues and--worst of all--pass judgement on Emerson when they had no idea what our day-today life was like.  Some of them had never even met Emerson before, much less spent any amount of time with him!

What to say to these people?  It isn't in my nature to be confrontational, argumentative or even dismissive with other people.  I have problems telling them to mind their own business.  How can I tell them that I know my son better than they?  That their ignorant, misguided and uninformed opinion is not needed or wanted?  Sometimes I just shrug my shoulders and moved on, other times I try to explain his behavior and why it was not "just being naughty."  Mostly, I obsess over what they think of me and my son and worry about how we appear to the world in general.  I get myself worked up over their opinions and complain to my husband...who wonders why I listen to anyone else in the first place when we know Emerson best and are the best judges of what he needs and deserves.

My husband is right.  But I still have trouble ignoring those who want to pass judgement on my family.  So, as with many things in life, knowledge is power.  I'm reading, researching and trying to learn as much as I can about autism, sensory processing problems, and any other disorder that might offer us insight and help into Emerson's world.  Not only is this aim for education going to help me understand my son better and help me alter my parenting approaches to fit his particular needs--and it already has!--it's also going to help me find a way to counteract the negative things some people have already said and continue to say about my child and his diagnosis.

I invite you to join us on our journey.  I hope you'll leave us comments and share your own experiences, knowledge, tips and techniques.  If you are the parent of a child on the spectrum, a caregiver, a teacher or a relative of an autistic child, I would love to network with you so we can all learn and help each other.

I intend this blog to be a place where I can write about our journey towards understanding Emerson and the things that make him unique.  A place where I can share what I learn so family, friends and anyone else who deals with Emerson in particular or any child on the autism spectrum in general can come to learn along with us.  It's a place where I hope I can laugh, cry, get angry, and feel hopeful. 

I'll leave you with Emerson's words on the night when I came home upset over someone, yet again, referring to my son as "broken."  As I told my husband about the experience, neither of us knew Emerson was listening.  Obviously, he absorbed more of the conversation than I realized and understood what we had said because, as I tucked him into bed for the night, he said, "Mommy...I'm not broken. I'm just fixed!" 

Hi.  My name is Nicole, and I'm the mother of an Autistic child.  He is not broken; he is smart, funny, loving, considerate, kind, friendly, helpful and so much more.  He is not broken...he just sees and experiences the world differently than you and me.  I want to celebrate that difference.