A Little History

Happy New Year!

I know the New Year is all about looking forward, making plans for the future, a fresh start.  Before we do that, however, I want to look back a little before we move ahead...a look back at Emerson's history and all the little things that seemed a bit "off" about him.  Off--not quite what I thought his development should be, but not enough for others (i.e. the pediatrician, my husband, our families) to be concerned.  And their dismissal of all the little items I brought up was just enough to make me feel like an overreacting mother.

How ironic that I wasn't overreacting afterall.  But that is neither here nor there; onto his history.

Emerson was a fairly easy labor and delivery.  It all went very quickly.  I went into labor early in the morning, went to the doctor for a check up, was told it would be a couple days yet, went back and checked into the hospital by 4pm that same day and he emerged before 9pm after only pushing through 3 contractions.  Easy-peasy.

I breast fed, but felt unsure of myself.  So the day after being released from the hospital, we went back for a little breast feeding lesson.  THat's when they discovered the jaundice.  It was on the border when they released us, but they let us go anyway.  Now, just a day later, he had to go under the bili lights.  Poor thing.  He was so miserable he screamed the entire time he was in there.  The only time he slept, and the only time I slept, therefore, was when I took him out to nurse.  Of course, I had to keep waking him up to eat so neither of us got any sleep.  And that was a sign of things to come for the next couple months.

Emerson was sooooo sensitive to touch.  Any little movement would set him off and start him screaming/crying.  Changing clothes and/or diapers, massaging him (which I had learned would help soothe him and confused me to no end when I would try and he would cry out), even changing his position in our arms would make him cry.  On top of that, add acid reflux.  For the first month, I think it was, I slept in a recliner with his bare skin against my bare skin.  The acid reflux meant he couldn't lie flat and the warmth of my skin and the sound of my heartbeat seemed to soothe him, at least.  But I couldn't move or it would wake him and the crying would start.  Then it was up, down, up, down, walking him back and forth through the house until he settled down enough to nurse and go back to sleep.  Those first few weeks I didn't get more than a couple hours of sleep per night. 

I knew this just could not be normal, but when I spoke to my pediatrician about it on our first couple visits, she just said, "Oh, the poor little thing."  Not "Hmmm...that is unusual.  He shouldn't hurt that much when you touch or move him" or "We need to look into that."  It was always...poor thing, don't worry, he'll grow out of it, etc.  So I assumed it wasn't such an unusual thing afterall.

Fast forward several weeks.  Emerson still can't sleep flat in his crib.  Even the little inclined sleeper I bought--with a heating pad placed on it temporarily to warm both the inclined pad and his blankets while I nursed him--helped to soothe his distress.  Enter the baby swing.  He slept in his baby swing, while it was on and swinging of course, until he was about 3 months old.  He needed to be that upright and he had to have the motion.  We saw this, as did co-workers, family and the pediatrician, as a mere habit we let him get into.  Maybe it was just a habit after a while.  Looking back, it's hard to really remember the specifics.  But at the time he really seemed to need that soothing motion to fall asleep, and the angle of the seat helped him keep his milk down at least.

Now, when he still loves to swing until our arms are about ready to fall off from pushing him, and his body seems to need constant motion so that he doesn't start to zone out, I wonder if these--the touch sensitivity and the swinging motion to soothe--were early signs of a sensory processing problem?  Again, it's hard to determine when all I can rely on is my memory and my newfound knowledge as I research and learn about different things in the here and now.  If I knew now what I knew back then, would I have recognized it as such?

As Emerson grew and developed, he seemed to meet all the milestones he was supposed to according to the books I had at home.  I've always been an avid reader and I read a lot of books during my pregnancy and several that I referred to as he grew month by month.  And thank God I had those, at least, for information.  My pediatrician never once asked us questions like "Is he doing...?" or "Has he started to....?" or anything related to developmental issues.  She just asked, "Do you have any questions or concerns?"  Yes, I did.

Emerson learned to speak very early.  By 18 months he was putting together 2 word phrases, he knew all his colors and could point to them when asked, ditto with his shapes, knew all his animals and everyday objects by sight and could say what they were when asked.  By age 2 he could point out all the letters of the alphabet when asked, knew his right from his left, could count to 20 in English and to 10 in French, and I can't remember what else.  All the daycare providers told us how smart he was...from the time when he was a little baby...and we were so proud of him!

He didn't crawl until 9 months and he didn't walk until 13 months.  This concerned me, but according to the doctor and my baby books, this still fell within a normal range.  Ok, then...not a problem. 

But I don't think his tactile development was where it should have been. 

He never liked to manipulate things with his hands much.  Other playmates at daycare were playing with blocks, shape sorters, running beads over those curlyqued wire thingies.  Emerson liked to look at books.  We bought soft blocks, shape sorters, toys where you could pulled strings to start music playing...but if it didn't have a simple button to push, Emerson wasn't interested.  Again, I voiced my concern to the pediatrician, to my husband.  Don't worry about it, Nicole.  All kids develop differently and he just isn't interested in those kinds of toys.  He's smart; he wants to learn from books.  Everything else will come later.

It came alright...but not until much later.  At 3 years old, he was just getting interested in things that should have amused him at 18 months and 2 years...shape sorters, beads, blocks to a certain extent although he's still not crazy about them.  He didn't like to hold crayons to color.  He'd take one, scribble a few times and then put it down saying he was done.  He couldn't peddle a tricycle, and didn't until he was 4 years old, but--again--I was told he fell within the normal range.  It seemed odd to me, though, because we'd go out to try to get him to peddle and it was as if he just could not understand how to make his legs do as we showed him.  Even after pushing his legs for him for a while, he couldn't do it.  Either he didn't understand or he couldn't make his legs do what he wanted them to do.  I'd stand by seeing him lean forward and tell me, "I'm trying, Mommy.  I can't do it" and all I could think was What is wrong with my kid???  To tell the truth, I was rather embarrassed to see him scooting with his feet all over the playground instead of just peddling like the rest of the kids his age (and younger)!

He also didn't seem able to answer questions appropriately.  How are you today? resulted in an andswer of I'm 4.  Ask him why he did something and he gives you the result of, not the reason for.  Ex.  Why did you hit Hunter?  Because I had to sit in time out.  Why did you have time out?  Because they were being mad at me.  What mad them mad at you?  Because I had time out.  But why did you hit Hunter and get time out?  Because he was just being bad to me.  What made him be bad to you?  Because I had to sit in time out. etc round and round ad nauseum.

It was also around this age--after age 3-- that daycare brought to my attention that Emerson didn't seem to socialize with or like other children his age.  He had a best friend, Hunter, whom he had been with since they were both 3 months old, and they played together.  But while the rest of his classmates began joining in interactive play, Emerson was still doing the parallel play.  He did not ask others to join him nor did he ask to be included in whatever they were doing.  Hunter or Jackson (the third component of what became known as The 3 Musketeers) might ask him to play and he would follow along...but always to do his own thing.  It wasn't long before he started having behavioral problems in class.  Telling his teacher "No" and screaming when he was put into time out as well as taking off his shoes and throwing them at her.  Sometimes he hit or kicked.  Frankly, we didn't know what to think.

I do know that, from age 2 to 3, he was afraid to go to daycare and he would cry when he had to go most days.  He strongly disliked and feared one of his teachers and often told me she was mean to him.  He started pinching our cheeks hard and saying through clenched teeth, "Listen to me when I'm talking to you" or grabbing us by the arm and trying to jerk us towards him while yelling, "I told you to get over here" and once he even pinched my ear and said, "Maybe next time you'll listen."  Now, Emerson has always repeated things he has heard and when we ask him, "Who says that?" he will tell us Mickey Mouse or Mommy or the monkey on the show or whoever said whatever it is, whether on the television or in real life.  So, when he began doing these things, we of course asked him who said that or who did that.  And his answer was always the same, "Miss ______" ...the daycare teacher he was afraid of.  I immediately went to daycare with my concerns, but was told that Miss _______ was an excellent teacher who took good care of the kids.  Everything I said was dismissed.  Even when I said I had gone in one day and she was sitting on the floor across the room with a little girl on her lap and Emerson was crying in the bathroom because she told him that he couldn't come out until he had gone potty.  I asked her when she put him in..."Oh not too long ago. It was like 5 o'clock only."  When I picked him up it was almost 5:30; he had been in there for almost 1/2 an hour.  That teacher has since left, but just recently I was speaking with another mother and Emerson's pinching cheeks and grabbing our arms came up somehow.  It turns out that their daughter started doing the same things when she reached that classroom, but her parents didn't think much about it.  Both my son and their daughter stopped that behavior once they left the room.

What does that have to do with Emerson's development?  Probably nothing, but I use it as an example of how I didn't put too much stock in what daycare was telling us about our son.  I had gone in a few times with concerns and each time I was dismissed as if I was making ungrounded accusations.  It wasn't as if I was going to them yelling or cursing or anything remotely close!  So, when they called me to say Emerson was having behavioral problems and they wanted me to get him evaluated...well, I was angry.  How could I be sure that they weren't just picking on him?  I had gone in once already to request they switch his teacher because he responded much better to the discipline and teaching style of the other instructor for his age group, but they wouldn't listen.  Clearly, they didn't give any of my concerns the time of day, so why should I bother now with theirs? 

In order to appease them, I agreed to stop by and observe for a while.  I spoke to the director first, who gave me a brief background on what had been happening.  Emerson often told his teacher "No," refused to follow directions, made hitting motions towards her, threw fits when he had to come inside from playing and start a new activity, screamed at the top of his lungs when put in time out, took off his shoes and threw them at his teacher while in time out.  All very distressing things to hear.

I watched in the classroom as he told the teacher "No" several times, seemed vacant and distracted when told to do something, tried to take things from other children because he wanted to play with them, failed to follow directions until told a couple time to do it, and even watched as he was put in time out and then proceeded to scream "Nooooo!"  "Leave me alone" and whatnot and take off his shoes to throw.  I was upset, I cried a little.  But in Emerson's defense, he was put in time out for something other children were engaging in as well.  They sang a song where they had to stick out their tongues.  As soon as they did, they began leaning in toward one another and trying to lick each other.  Emerson and Hunter were told to stop twice.  Hunter did after the second warning; Emerson did not.  He received time out.  However, the 2 children next to him and Hunter were licking each others tongues and nothing was said to them, and the children right next to the teacher were licking each other and proceeded to tickle, but were not punished.  I can imagine this contradiction in punishing one child for behavior others were also engaged in with no punishment confused Emerson greatly.

But I had seen enough to comply with the request to get him evaulated.  The school board does it for free, so that's where we went.  It was just after Emerson had turned 4 years old.  We told him why we were there, met with an evaluator, filled out our part of the questionnaire, etc.  Emerson went in for 3 days where they observed him play and had him preform certain tasks.  As far as I could tell, he did well on everything they had him do with the exception of missing a few questions, which I thought was due to they way they phrased it rather than his not knowing the answer. 

In the weeks following, while we waited for the results, I asked the daycare director if she had been thinking autism because, in the back of my mind, that's what I too had been fearing.  Yes, she thought; autism or some other behavioral disorder.  The evaluation, however, came back as normal.  I reviewed it with the daycare director, who was very surprised.  I was relieved.  He had been evaluated by professionals who found nothing wrong. Whew!  Case closed.

Or so we though until he started Pre-K at a private Catholic school.  But, since this post is much longer than I originally anticipated, the rest will have to wait until another day.